Pop music is like being served a boiled turd for breakfast. But if you decide you would prefer not to strain watery recycled meat through your teeth your only other options are the deep-fried broken glass sandwich or the bile cake with vomit frosting. That’s pop music. It’s a no win situation because no matter what you pick to download, your computer is going to wish it had hands so it could slide up behind you when you least expected it and throw a strand of USB cable across your neck and draw it tight until your eyes bulge out of your twitching dead body. Then it would pee on your corpse, by which I mean it would pop the P off its own keyboard and drop it on your face. Then from the hole where the P was, it would urinate on your head. And the reason why music is so terrible is because it's being controlled at all levels by corporate fucktards who think that art can be run through some algorithm and dragged across a test audience and researched to the Nth degree. And for as bad as it is here in the US, it's exponentially worse in the UK because all their media outlets work in concert to push certain artists up the charts. For example, you know how in the movie Love Actually there was such a huge deal made as to whether Bill Nighy's character would beat out the boy band for the Christmas number one slot? Well, that's a real thing. For whatever reason the Christmas chart has extra importance in Britain. I guess since it's the last chart of the year it’s somehow some sort of statement on the quality of that year, or something stupid like that. What the fuck do I know, it's England. People can barely speak their own language. And for the past four or five years the UK Christmas chart has been controlled by Simon Cowell. He has another show over there called X-Factor which Simon farms for “talent” (aka pretty people who can get teenagers to buy music.) Simon takes said face, gets them to cover an existing hit, promotes the hell out of it and owns the Christmas chart for another year. Well, the English got fed up with being spoon-fed figgy pudding from Simon's butthole and decided to reenact that scene from Love Actually where Bill Nighy's character defies expectation and gets the number one slot (spoilerz, lol). Some pissed off brick-biters started a Facebook campaign to shove another song to the top of the charts. That song? Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name." It doesn't have to be a new song to chart, it just has to get downloaded a lot. And it worked. "Killing In The Name" sold 500,000 downloads beating "X Factor" winner Joe McElderry's "The Climb" by 50,000 copies. Simon Cowell is pissed, the bookies in England lost a ton and the labels certainly aren't happy losing to an almost 20-year-old song, but the people are finally speaking up. Zach de la Rocha was interviewed by BBC's Radio 1 and said this was all “more about the spontaneous action taken by young people throughout the UK to topple this very sterile pop monopoly and less about the song and the band. We are very proud to have had the song chosen as the vehicle by which to do this." But to make sure that the chart fell in their favor in the run-up, Tom Morello promised to give all the royalties from the Christmas downloads to charity and said that if they won Rage would play a free show in England as a thank you.
And Marilyn Manson needs to learn to shut the fuck up. And not for all the regular reasons. Not because he’s a mediocre talent at best who made his career on a gimmick. Not because he’s a drunken and drugged up buffoon whose self aggrandizing bullshit is tiresome to listen to. And not because he needs to slather his fat ass in Crisco to squeeze into his Gothy mallrat costume, which is equally problematic because before he can force his vinyl pants past the knee the sweet stink of shortening hits his nose and he spends the rest of the afternoon pawing fistfuls of lard into his mouth like Pooh Bear with his honey pot. No, the real reason why he needs to shut the fuck up is that threats of bodily harm or death are illegal and if he keeps it up he’s going to find his well-greased ass in jail. And we all know what happens to well-greased asses in jail. Manson just settled with a former bandmate who sued for 20 million dollars as part of a breach of contract suit. Pogo (not his real name) alleged Manson (not his either) wasted money that was owed to the band on things like Nazi paraphernalia and a $150 thousand dollar ring for Dita Von Tease. Manson hit the Myspace for some light hissy-fitting. Manson writes, "I want to make clear that, aside from the wasted legal fees, in no way did I pay off the person that stood behind a keyboard — pretending to play music other artists in this band wrote. And I would not piss on Pogo if he was on fire. I don't want this to be confused as anger. I feel nothing for a person that betrayed me and my band. My band. And I'm sure that if anyone wants to discuss this with him personally, I won't be so rude to NOT give you his or his family's addresses. Since I payed [sic] for both soon to be destroyed buildings. So good luck to you, sir. You are gonna need it. Sweet dreams."
